Learning to Lean

Yesterday's Story...

The first words that come to mind to best describe yesterday are:
frustration
failure
fatigue

(funny that they all start with "f" - wasn't on purpose...)

(sigh)

The day started out pretty good...

Homeschool went amazingly well!
Cade and I corrected the way in which he was holding his pencil/crayon
and the forming of his letters and words immediately improved! Yay!

And then...

the questions began.
Not different questions, mind you...
no - the SAME questions -over and over and OVER again.

Both boys had taken it upon themselves to see how far they cold push Mom
- see how many times they could ask the same question -
of course, hoping for a different answer than the one already given.
I'm not talking about four or five times -
I'm talking about 15 - 20 times...
and then I lost it.

Embarassingly (and it IS embarassing),
I completely lost it and resorted to my old stand-by...
yelling.

My last nerve had been streched beyong it capability and had just snapped.

So I wage this war in my mind about what the right thing is to do...

Should I answer the question once, twice, maybe even three times and then discipline them for not listening to me?

Should I be more patient and continue to hold to my original answer and give it to them as many times as I need to?

Should I set aside this (what seems to becoming a battle not worth fighting) and just not sweat the small stuff?

As I'm yelling at my boys, I KNOW Jesus wouldn't yell in anger and frustration like I'm doing.

But what WOULD He do?

I'm left with no answers....the silence deafens...I honestly don't know.

Then this morning, as I read my e-devotion from

Charles Spurgeon's Morning by Morning and Evening by Evening

Yes, I adore his writing, so you'll be seeing a lot more of his work on my blog (smile)

I found (perhaps not the answers I'm seeking, but...) wonderful encouragement from his words.

Here is a small excerpt...

"[We as] lambs are wont to lag behind,

prone to wander,

and apt to grow weary,

but from all the danger of these infirmities

the Shepherd protects them with his arm of power.
Since my first conversion, how frequently has he restored me from my wanderings,

and once again folded me within the circle of his everlasting arm!

The best of all is,that he does it all himself personally,

not delegating the task of love,

but condescending himself to rescue and preserve his most unworthy servant.

How shall I love him enough or serve him worthily?

I would fain make his name great unto the ends of the earth,

but what can my feebleness do for him?

Great Shepherd, add to thy mercies this one other, a heart to love thee more truly as I ought.

Encouraging it is to know that even on days like yesterday -

the days when, in the dark night hours

as I look back over the day and all I can see are my failures -

even then - especially then - my loving Shepherd restores me.
He restores my fainting heart and "enfolds me

within the circle of His everlasting arms".

And today is a new day... (Praise Him!)

Father, I am truly an unworthy servant...

and yet you have called me by name - I am yours.

You are my Refuge and Strength...

I pray that you would use my feeble mothering efforts to make something beautiful

in my life and in the lives of my children.

They are extravagant gifts - let me never forget.